This is how epidemics start. . .

This foul-looking disease tent should start yielding pearl oyster mushrooms in a couple weeks.

Supposedly they taste like crab. You'll know as soon an I do, unless at first bite I collapse.

In which event, bury me before I start spraying spores.

Growing shiitakes as well

The Return. . . or How to Make Your Child Beg for Beets

This is the face of a child who has been promised beets for dinner.

No bullshit.

The secret?

Take one ball of Neopolitan pizza dough, homemade.  Preferably 00 flour.  Roll/stretch to paper thin-ness.  Try not to weep at your failure to make a perfect circle.

Smear with pureed roasted butternut squash, lightly seasoned.

Top with sliced roasted beets (roast in foil at 400 for 1 hour, peel, slice and marinate in olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper).  Add basil. . .

. . . and goat cheese.

Bake in a hot oven (max temperature) on a pizza stone for 8 minutes.

Behold, what She Who Must Be Obeyed calls "Purple Pizza."  A bit Dali-esque in shape, but surprisingly delicious.

Eat.  Regrettably, I cannot include pictures of her eating, as the beet juice makes for an image far gorier than any piggie pictures I've ever posted.  Seriously.

Well, this one's early enough - just to serve as proof that she likes it.  Honest - she's been demanding it for days.



For the adults - same dough, same misshapen paper-thin sheet.  Add: Tomato sauce (I add lemon juice to freshen, plus garlic and dried herbs); sauteed baby bella mushrooms; briefly sauteed chopped onions;  uncured canadian bacon; basil. . .

 Top with conservative sprinkling of mozzarella. . .

Bake on stone in hot oven, 8-9 minutes.

The pictures do no justice (no more iPhone pics) - The cheese emulsifies with the sauce and mushroom liquor, making for a shockingly savory, crispy, ultra-thin pizza.  You'd think it has twice as much cheese as it does.

Slice.  Eat with a nice chianti.  Repeat.

More to come soon, including possible crawfish and, oh. . .  a whole roasted young wild boar.  Why the hell not.

We're back.  Cheers.

Cucumbers!

Just harvested the first two viable cucumbers. The oddly-shaped one here:
And the big boy here:
The more symmetrical of the two weighs in at 250 grams (that's over 1/2 pound for you non-metric folks). The lumpy one was 175 grams. The plants are covered with dozens and dozens of baby cucumbers, so these ought to just be the beginning.
Of course I couldn't help myself but dig in, not least because a co-worker of mine warned me that the cucumbers she and her neighbors have grown tasted "like shit". When I asked for clarification, she reiterated - like a green turd. Crunchy on the outside, fecal on the inside.

Not appealing at all. Fortunately, that was not the case here. I peeled the lumpy one and made a cucumber sandwich (and some sliced cuke for the wife). The perfect cucumber - light, flavorful (and organic, of course).

Recipe: Whisk together 2 parts Greek yogurt to 1 part cream cheese. Smear mix on 2 slices of lightly toasted bread. Slice cucumber lengthwise on a mandolin (I prefer the waffle setting), very thinly. Stack layers of ruffled cucumber on the bread, seasoning each layer lightly with salt and pepper or italian dressing seasoning. Top with remaining slice of bread, slice and serve. Surprisingly good, and perfect lunch for hot weather.

In other gardening news, our cherry tomatoes are starting to ripen:

And our champions are still lagging. I still blame the neighbors for making us rip up and relocate the garden. One turned red but got eaten by a cheeky squirrel (unless one of the neighbors. . . no, I'll let this one go). The remainder are plump but still green. If they don't get to work pretty soon, they're going to find themselves coated in cornmeal and headed for a frying pan.

Tomatoes!

Finally some ripening. I was worried this batch would be no good, as we had to uproot and move the entire garden due to a bad neighbor problem. I'm surprised they didn't all die.

Regaining my composure now. The bad neighbors ambushed us and put us through a bit of an ordeal. But, as the wife gently reminded me, "one cannot go through life slitting the throat of every cocksucker whose character it would improve" (h/t to Al Swearengen).

Above is our now-ripening Champion. Hopefully the next batch of fruit will live up to the name. The cherry tomatoes and heirlooms are still slowly coming along. Peppers and zucchini are back to square one. I guess this is what happens when you have to uproot and relocate an entire garden. Bastards.

Then the cucumbers - two are almost ready to pick, and dozens of little proto-cucumbers. Once they start approaching critical mass, they grow frighteningly quickly. And look vaguely obscene.



Also, Sunday's roast chicken pics soon, and a pastrami too.

Cucumber Flowers

Fruit to come. . . Also the zucchini are flowering, and we have lots of little green tomatoes.

Garden Update

We have our first tomato - about the size of a grape, but still. Our two Champion plants are supposed to yield tomatoes with the diameter of a hamburger bun. Nothing but flowers on the heirlooms and cherry tomato plants. The tomato:


Five bell peppers that I can see. Here are two:

Hopefully more to come.